The Name Game

19 May

This is the life of a woman….

You start dating someone people immediately ask “When are you going to get married?”
You get engaged and that day people ask, “Do you have a date?”
You get married and ON YOUR WEDDING DAY and every day thereafter people ask “When are you going to have kids?”
You get pregnant people ask, “When are you due and are you finding out what you are having?”You find out the sex and immediately people ask “What are you going to name him/her?”

I personally have experienced all these stages in my life.  I’m sure after you have the baby the next question is, “Are you going to have any more kids?” but I haven’t reached that yet, so at this point I can only speak to those I know, in particular the last one of the name of my unborn son.

Here is the deal with names…I for one am very nervous about naming this kid.  I spoke in my last blog post about how this is a BIG deal and you can’t mess it up (unfortunately a lot of society does mess this up for their children) but I am taking my naming responsibility VERY serious.  I decided quite early in this process that I wasn’t going to tell anyone what we were thinking in terms of names.  For example the following is an actual conversation I had with my mother (NONE of this is dramatized, it is all word for word)
Mom- “So what are some names you have picked out?”
Me- “We aren’t telling people because we don’t want to hear opinions, etc.”
Mom- “Oh yea, that’s a good idea.  So what are the names?”
Me- “I just said, I’m not telling”
Mom- “Well that doesn’t include ME!  You have to tell me!!” (her voice rises with anticipation and fear that I may, actually not tell her)
Me- “Mom, I don’t care about your opinion and I know you will have something to say about every name I mention.”
Mom- “Well what if you choose a name of someone I absolutely HATE!!!???”

I then proceeded to tell my mother I really don’t care if the name we choose for our child is someone who she “absolutely HATES” and this is the exact reason why I didn’t want to tell her the options anyways.  I ended up giving her our list and she muttered a few comments about each of them.

In our house the name game goes something like this- I ramble off names that just come in my head or I read somewhere ect.  Barry says one of two things- 1.) yea, that’s ok or 2.) Are you freaking crazy!!!!  Well I mean he hasn’t given me any suggestions.  I tell him it’s important to say the name out loud and think about it going with our last name, Roof.  He thinks I’m crazy.  In fact the only name he has suggested is Stone. Stone Roof.  Seriously.  I can’t have a kid named Stone Roof.  He thinks I am being dramatic and no one would think it is weird.  I said, you vetoed 100’s of names I have given, I am using my nix on Stone.

I told him we have to think about the initials so they don’t spell something strange, that we need to think of nicknames the kid could have.  He proceeds to tell me I’m crazy.  Yea, because Stone Roof would NEVER get made fun of.  We do have a list of about 8 names.  I told him once we get about 10 maybe we could then go through the list and then each mark off ones we don’t care for to hopefully be left with one stellar name that will lend itself to be a strong powerful man in the future!  I’m starting to think we may be in the delivery room still arguing over a name….

Things I promise about the name of Baby Boy Roof
– It won’t be some made up name put together by our names like Barblake.
– We won’t spell the name some STUPID way that parents do these days and have our poor kid having to pronounce his name to everyone because we decided to use a K instead of a C and a Y instead of an E or a J instead of some other letter.
– I won’t name him one thing and then tell everyone he goes by something TOTALLY random like his name is John Smith Roof and we are calling him Buddy.- And I try REALLY hard mom, not to name him the name of someone you “absolutely HATE” (maybe)


Things I Have Learned While Pregnant

3 May

As soon as you tell people you are pregnant I get a lot of “suggestions” and “opinions” which I am totally ok with.  I welcome anything people who have kids have to say, but of course that doesn’t mean I will actually listen and follow through.  But there are a few things that no one tells you.

1.  You can’t keep wearing your normal clothes.  I had all these thoughts of me wearing dresses and skirts with elastic waist band that could easily be “converted” into maternity wear.  Ummm not so!  Because see not only does your belly get big, but your boobs get massive and nothing is normal.  So after wearing skirts unzipped half way and cramming myself into dresses, I finally broke down to buy the huge elastic waist pants.  I mean I thought I could even still wear my normal t-shirts and stuff..hahahahhahahahah….no.  They kept telling me at work, “just buy maternity!!!”  I kept putting it off and then one day you look down and you have this thing in front of you and you just can’t wear the majority of the stuff you had envisioned yourself wearing.

2. The belly grows during the day.  Like it’s one size in the morning and by the end of the day it’s doubled in size and it makes for an uncomfortable outfit.  I can wake up one morning and look in the mirror and think, “I still look pretty thin.”  Then by the time I get to 3 p.m. and I pass by a mirror at work I think, “Dear God Blakely you have eaten a whole watermelon.” Pregnancy truly does things to your body that you can’t even comprehend.

3.  I find myself starting to worry about no-nonsense things.  Of course the first few months you are worried about having a miscarriage and it wasn’t until I saw a Shriner’s Hospital commercial that it entered my mind that something could actually be wrong with this baby.  But I kind of put that one out of my head.  My new worries are as follows- will someone show me how to make a bottle?  This may sound elementary…but I don’t know how many scoops of that stuff to put in there or how to heat the thing up?  Surely they show you that when you have it right?  Then the other day someone showed me a photo of a newborn all swaddled.  How do you learn that?  Again, someone will show me that in the nursery yes?  My biggest new fear since we are one week from finding out the sex is what if we give this kid the wrong name!  Like what if I name it John and then like 4 months later I don’t like John anymore?  Do things like this happen? I mean a name is a BIG thing…messing this up could be catastrophic!  It could prevent my child from getting a good job when they get older.  They could get teased relentlessly in school because of some nickname that could be derived from the name.  Pressure is ON!

4. The overwhelmingness of registering!  Umm I thought registering for my wedding was overwhelming!  Not a chance!  You get on here and they give you “starter” registries or ideas on what to register for and other than a car seat and diapers I haven’t heard of ANY of this stuff.  Do kids really need ALL this stuff.  There is something to blow their nose with, certain medicines for all types of ailments, 147 types of car seats (including infant and converter), 86 types of strollers, 79 types of high chairs, 2265 kinds of bibs, 245 types of baby blankets and swaddler things.  Don’t get me started on the kinds of bottles, pacifiers and wet wipes. I mean the list goes on and on.  I was on that thing for 5 minutes before I seriously almost had a panic attack.  Then all I could think is where the hell am I going to put all this stuff.  Barry is going to die!

5. Pants are truly the most uncomfortable things EVER.  If I hear one more person say, “oh you are going to be pregnant all summer, that is going to be terrible, you are going to be so hot.”  I am going to slap them.  I can’t WAIT until it gets warmer.  Want to know why? So I can wear dresses and skirts and get out of these god for saken pants!  Yes, the belly bands help (the elastic things you wear around your waist so that you don’t have to button your pants…yea I didn’t know before I was pregnant either), but to wear a free-flowing dress…..ohhhhh heaven!  I”m only 4 1/2 months pregnant…I can’t IMAGINE how horrible pants would be at 8 months.  You people who have kids in like February that wear pants for most of your pregnancy, God have mercy.  I will plan on having all my kids due in September, just so I can wear dresses for the most amount of time possible.

Considering I am only like half way there I am sure there will be other things that will arise that will be quite the shock to me.  But for now, I will focus on learning how to put a baby in a car seat…because that’s another thing I guess everyone just knows (but me and I’m sure Barry).

Oh My God I Am Going To Be a Whale!

2 Apr

Precursor-This is a blog post I wrote when I was about two months pregnant….BUT I am just now posting since, well you know the whole we didn’t tell for the first trimester thing.

So this whole “I am growing a human inside me” is still rather surreal.  I mean just think about it…women actually grow a live human being INSIDE their uterus and then it comes out and becomes…us.  I mean to think about me inside my mother’s stomach is just…weird. I am at the point where  I just sit around everyday and wait to have a baby bump.  Now I am entering that stage that just looks like I have put on some weight in my midsection and it sucks.  One of my biggest fears (I mean aside that the baby won’t be healthy yada yada) is that I will be as big as a house and gain like 60 pounds.  My whole adult life I have worked out multiple times a week just so I can eat what I want and not be fat.  And now in a matter of weeks, I can’t control myself around food and have gained several pounds.  THIS is my worst nightmare!

Me on any given day.

Me on any given day.

During the winter I have so many cute skirts and dresses.  I love wearing tights and boots this time of year.  Now, I get up in the morning and think about which pants have the most give in the waist.  If I wear tights it’s all I can do to immediately rip them off as soon as I get home.  In a perfect world I would wear sweat pants to work, or at least sit at my desk with my pants unbuttoned (hmmm which actually may not be a bad idea).  But then I would spend half my day just buttoning them up as I go to the restroom for the 400th time in a day.

The whole, “I’m eating for two” thing has always gotten on my nerves.  And I refuse to use that as an excuse.  Bottom line, if my friends thought I got “hangry” (when you get angry when you are hungry) before….ahahahahhaha you know NOTHING of that now!  If this lady doesn’t eat every 2-3 hours…get out of my way!  I will be ripping someone’s head off.  I spend my day thinking about my next meal. When I wake up I immediately turn to Barry and say, “What are you thinking about for dinner?”  I then call him during the day at work, “So what about dinner tonight?”  When I’m not hungry, I feel like I should eat something so that I won’t get to the level of being so hungry I feel like I am going to die!  And (while I am VERY thankful for this) I don’t even have morning sickness to at least feel like I don’t have to regret EVERYTHING I have eaten.  So all food coming in just takes up permanent residence in my stomach which continues to feel like it’s growing daily (even though I’m sure it’s not).

My mother gained like 7 pounds when she was pregnant.  Ok, maybe like 15.  She brags about how she wore her nonmaternity jeans out of the hospital after she gave birth to all three of us.  She didn’t even tell people she was pregnant with my brother until she was 20 weeks!  Trust me, knowing what I know now, I want to hit her.  I can only imagine how her friends felt back in the day.  “We hate that skinny pregnant bitch Becky.”  At the rate I am moving, umm this will not be me.

Ok, I gotta go eat a snack….

***Update…now I am almost 15 weeks pregnant.  While the hanger doesn’t appear as much, the thought of my next meal or snack still consumes my mind at any given time of the day.  So maybe I will just look more like a fat porpoise than a whale!

The Most EXCITING Day of My Life Thus Far (and terrifying)

26 Mar

I began writing several of my upcoming blog posts when I first found out I was pregnant.  I have been saving them because we hadn’t told anyone, but now that the world is aware Baby Roof is a comin’ I can start posting my past entries I have written.  So enjoy!

Two days ago (January 14, 2015) I randomly decided to take a pregnancy test.  I wasn’t expecting anything because after awhile of trying we hadn’t gotten pregnant, but something told me just to take the test.  I walked away for about 10 minutes and when I came back I literally said out loud, “what!?” (expletives may have been thrown in there too)  My hand started shaking and I immediately began pacing. My whole married life I had visions of how I would tell my sweet husband.  Put a sign on the dog, have balloons when he got home from work.  But when you are surprised to the extent I was…all those fantasies go out the window and I just wanted his attention! I ran to Barry who was in the shower yelling for him to get out.  I am pounding on the door and he is yelling to leave him alone.  Oh heck no, no waiting for this!  When he finally opened the door I couldn’t even get the words out so I just threw the test up in his face and he said, “what in the world…this can’t even be.”  I literally could not stop shaking.

The next morning I took another pregnancy test and yep, pregnant…again I could not contain my emotions.  I texted my doctor who seemed genuinely as shocked as I was and ordered a blood test.  In about an hour we got word that yep….we were having a baby!

Well I did what all newly pregnant people do (or I assume they do) I got online and began the research of when are we due (September 15) ** We have since learned because GASP you can’t learn everything from the internet, that I am actually due September 26.**. So you learn things like what size is the baby (size of a poppyseed), what should I feel like (every symptom you could have for anything is a symptom of pregnancy, etc. Overwhelming would be an understatement.  The sites would list symptoms and I would stop and think, “Do I feel this way?”  Then I thought, “oh God!!!!  What about what I can’t eat or drink?”  So as I go through pages of “The WORST foods for your baby!”  or “What NEVER to eat in your first trimester!!!”  I began to crave all the things they say don’t eat.  Give me sushi and soft cheese!!!!  I want the biggest margarita ever!  If i had known I was going to get pregnant I would have been eating and drinking all these things.  Now the thought of 9 months without them seemed like an eternity.  Which brought me to another though….

Nine months is like a whole year!!!  This is going to take forever!!!  I mean I can’t even tell people until like March!  How am I supposed to keep this a secret and better yet, how I am supposed to be patient enough to wait 9 months until the baby is born.  It was like I was telling myself, just don’t think about it and of course it’s all I can think about.  I head home that night and Barry, the practical one, is like, “you have to calm down.  We have a long time to wait this thing out.”  But I want to talk about it!  I want to discuss names and cute things we will do with the baby and all those other fun things.  But no fun Barry refuses to budge.

Now all that day I had begun to get a cold, then I go to take medicine and realize there is nothing we have that I can take.  Now in my mind, and don’t judge me, I was thinking, “well I really wouldn’t have known I was pregnant if I hadn’t randomly taken that test, so if I take medicine that I shouldn’t it would be like if I took it not knowing I was pregnant.  I’m sure people do that all the time.”  I of course get online to read about cold medicine when your pregnant and if that doesn’t scare the crap out of you, nothing will. So I talked myself out of it and thought, “what if that one dosage of sudafed makes you miscarry!!!  You would never forgive yourself.”  So I suffer with a stuffed up nose.  This pregnancy thing is hard!

So now we are just in the waiting stage.  Waiting to tell people…waiting for me to look pregnant, me waiting for Barry to let me talk about it.  I have managed to go over an hour at a time without remembering I’m preggers, so that is REALLY going to help the time to FLY by for these 9 months!

Birthday Memories

24 Feb

Today is my birthday.  My 27th birthday to be exact. (ok, that might be off by a few/several years) Everyone is excited to wish me a happy birthday, which of course is fun but you know birthday’s just aren’t what they used to be.  Back when you were young and you waited all year for that day (or turning 16 or 21).  So it got me reminiscing on some of my favorite birthdays.

4. Back in the day EVERYONE had their birthday parties at one of three places.  PERIOD.  McDonalds, Burger King or if it was a big one, Show Biz Pizza!  The things I remember from each are the sugar decorations of Ronald and the McBurgler and that purple monster on the McDonald’s cake, the paper crowns from Burger King and of course the huge Bear on stage with the weird thing that popped up out of the trash can when they sang, “They Say it’s Your Birthday” at Show Biz.  I really don’t even remember which birthday parties were mine, because I went to so many at these places because as I stated earlier…it’s just what EVERYBODY did.  Let’s bring back the simplicity of just going to McDonald’s for your kid’s birthday and all you had to worry about was how many hamburgers to order.

3.One of the coolest parties I ever had was probably my 8th or 9th party.  I think my friend Jill had done this party before, but man was it a goodie.  A group of us girls went to Tennessee School of Beauty!  So every girl got to get her hair and nails done. Now, this is the 80’s, so can you imagine what we got done?!?! ummm we all got our hair crimped of course!!!!  I mean we all looked like something out of a horror movie!  I gotta go find a photo from that day and upload it.  I’m sure the students were thrilled to be crimping a bunch of 8 year olds but man we loved it.  As I look back at pictures I’m not sure what is worse, the crimped hair or the horrendous and I mean HORRENDOUS sweatshirts and sweaters we all had on!  I mean they were all puff painted or had like bows pinned to them.  I think our mom’s or grandmother’s made most of them.  In fact I am almost positive Courtney Baxter’s mom made most of the puff painted sweat shirts.  Rainbows and our names painted on them.  At the time crimped hair and puff paint didn’t get much better than that!  I think I got a crimper for my birthday that year.  But it wasn’t really a crimper.  It was actually one that did more waves…and I remember not being as excited about it.

Yep, this was the one.

Yep, this was the one.

2. My third favorite birthdays are lumped together as all the “milestone” birthdays.  That would be 16, 18 and 21.  I mean come on, honestly the only birthday’s that really mean anything.  For my 16th birthday, my dad picked me up from school early to take my driver’s test.  I could not for the life of me figure out how to get into a parking spot…ever…much less during my test.  But I guess this didn’t matter too much in East Knoxville, because I walked out with license in hand.  A very ugly license I might add because it was during my “let’s wear a TON of black eye liner and dye my hair maroon.”  Another story for another day.  Then we had my 18th birthday where Mindy Waldrup and I went to go get me a tattoo!  I had this little flower picked out and it was soooo cool!  Afterwards I played a mean trick on my dad and called and told him I chickened out and the relief in his voice was actually kind of sad…especially when I told him I was only kidding.  (sorry Dad).  Then there was my 21st birthday.  It was a Monday night and I was at Clemson.  At Clemson the first place you go on your 21st birthday is Tiger Town so you can get your official 21st Birthday T-shirt and proudly wear it around all night while taking shots and making a fool of your self in downtown Clemson.  Let’s just say it was probably a good thing it was on a Monday and there weren’t a lot of people out that night.  I don’t think I did anything too crazy but word to the wise, “Don’t eat Easy Mac, macaroni and cheese after a night of drinking.  It is SOOO not good the next day.”

1.  Which leads me to my favorite birthday of all time!!!!!  My 26th birthday!  I wanted a party so bad!  And somehow I talked my friends Melanie, Nicole, Maggie and Megan into throwing me a party.  They told me the party was on Friday night and I invited everyone I could think of.  What I didn’t know was that they were actually throwing me a party on Saturday and it was going to be a surprise!  Some how they tricked me into taking me to dinner at a “secret” place and had me blind folded to get there.  Now why in the world I wasn’t smart enough to think this was a surprise party was beyond me, but hey I thought my party was going to be the next night so I wasn’t thinking.  Then I walk into my friend Maggie’s house and they take off my blind fold and there was everybody!  I was so excited.  i still get excited just thinking about it!  They had me koozies made with my favorite saying “Ain’t Hatin’, Just Statin'”

I wanted to trademark this saying.

I wanted to trademark this saying.

They had me a cake with my photo on it!  Oh and I was posed with a Dora the Explorer pinata!

Don't ask...

Don’t ask…

They had stickers for everyone to wear with my face on it.  I mean it was AWESOME!!!  I mean who would have thought your 26th birthday would be the best one ever!

I really haven’t had a bad birthday.  I have had other great ones, my 30th Wig and Stache party, when I had a magician come on like my 10th birthday and I think there may have been a clown in there somewhere.  Oh wait!!!!  How could I forget when Nevely had Elvis come sing to me one year!  I’m gonna get you for that!

Elves on Shelves

18 Dec

Ok let me start by saying that I like the CONCEPT of Elf on a Shelf.  I am not a Grinch when it comes to the elves….I think it’s a good way to get kids to behave by having them think this elf is watching them and reporting back to Santa.  With that said…I do have a few issues with them.

1.) If you are an adult you can’t have an elf on the shelf.  This is a TOY that means it is for CHILDREN.  Anyone over the age of 12 doesn’t need to personally own an elf on the shelf AND, further more, if for some reason they DO own one, they sure as hell don’t need to be moving it around “during the night” and documenting this process on social media.  I get it, you are being cute…you think it’s funny…maybe it was cute and funny like one time, but not EVERY DAY…I mean don’t you have something better to do…like watch a Real Housewife episode or sit around and write a blog about how annoying people are.  You don’t sit around and play with Barbies in your 30’s…think about it…this is essentially what you are doing. Which brings me to my next issue with the elves…

2.) You can move your kid’s elf…you SHOULD move it.  You can make it do funny little things but for the LOVE OF GOD you don’t need to post every morning what “Bubbles” or “Button” or whatever name the elf is, has gotten into during the night or where they have been placed.  This issue goes deeper than the posting of the elves every day on social media, the issue is that NOTHING IS SACRED anymore!  I post on facebook, but I don’t post every thing I do, every thought I have and document every event I attend.  Keep the cute things your elf does between you and your family.  I mean ok, you can post a few pics, but please not every day.  I have unfriended and unfollowed people specifically for their obsessive posting of elf on the shelf.  And I KNOW I’m not the only one.

3.) Your kid gets an elf when they are old enough to even comprehend what it is.  If your kid can’t hold up its head on its own, then you don’t need to get him or her an elf to move around at night.  I mean let’s be honest, you want the elf for yourself and in that case you fall into the first category I mentioned above.

Let me say it again, I like elf on the shelf, when I have kids I’m sure I will have one too and move “Button/Bubbles/Harry/Nemo” around all over the house and we will laugh and it will be cute.  But when the elf comes into the Roof home, there will be a child present, who isn’t still drinking from a bottle and this mother won’t be wrapping the freaking toilet with gift wrap (I hate wrapping a present, I sure as hell am not going to wrap a toilet) or having “Nemo/Rudolph/Jimmy” making a cute elf mess just to impress my kid, or more importantly other parents.

I’m sure I have offended some in my rant….but I’m just saying what many are thinking. Cheers!

I mean THIS is ridiculous!

I mean THIS is ridiculous!

The Christmas Card

17 Dec

For 32 year my mother has made all the kids be in a photo Christmas card.  For the first 18 of those year we wore matching outfits and had to pose in some ridiculous way.  For example the year of probably 1996 when we all wore white button up and jeans and posed on a swing.  Geez….

So this year I get a few texts from my parents asking for some of my friends addresses to send them a Christmas card.  I think to myself, “I wonder what photo they are using that would have all the kids.”  We haven’t all been together since last Christmas.  So I call my parents to find out their card has them, my sister Elliott and my brother Tanner, oh and the dogs.  I say, “but you mention me and Barry on it right?”  “Oh no, just us, I mean you are gone.”

EXCUSE ME!  I’m gone!!  Elliott is almost 30 and Tanner is like 25!  We are all “gone!”  Yes, gone from you making us dress in that matching Santa Clause gown or gone from when I had to put curlers in my hair that you then sprayed me to death.  We are “gone” from that, but I am not “gone” as your CHILD!  I say, ” you can get a card with multiple photos in it!”  My mom explains she hadn’t thought of that.  “You put the DOGS in the photo but not your oldest daughter!”  My mom explains, she hadn’t thought about it.  I say, “Mom, if you got a Christmas card from one of your friends and they included two of their GROWN children and not the third you would think, a.) the person has DIED or b.) they no longer speak to them.”  “No,” she says, “I would think they didn’t live at home anymore.”  Ummm no you wouldn’t!  I mean Elliott doesn’t live at home and Tanner SHOULDN’T be living at home, but just because he is doesn’t mean he gets more precedent that me on the Christmas card!

To make matters worse, I then remember that my mother asked for the addresses of some of MY friends to send them Christmas cards…without ME!  Memories of my mom yelling at my dad while my sister cried during the Christmas card photo debacles of years flood back to me, only making it more obvious as to how I have EARNED the right to always be on the card, especially when the other two siblings are on them.  I mean if they were taking a photos of just themselves, but heck they added the whole family….except me (and Barry, who is now an extension of me.)

So I ask you….am I in the wrong to be upset as this blatant lack of disrespect in the realm of family Christmas card world?!

Oh and by the way, Becky ended up ordering new Christmas cards including me and Barry the following day.  So everyone will know, I have not passed on to the other side or have gotten myself kicked out of the family.

Merry Christmas!

The World and Their Selfies

14 Aug

We get it…you have a camera phone….you think you look cute….the world wants to see you at every stage during the day (or so you think).  What you don’t get it, you look narcissistic, ridiculous and making me think the world is going straight to hell in a hand basket.

This past weekend I worked a bridal show and my role was helping the girls modeling change clothes.  All of them were in high school and ALL of them were obsessed with taking photos of themselves.  When the show was over I could not get them to take off the dresses because they were all busy snapping selfies and photos of them selves in the mirror.  I felt like I was in an alternate universe.  As fast as they were snapping they couldn’t get the photos uploaded quick enough to facebook, instagram, twitter, tumblr, or WHATEVER.  I sat back and literally watched with my jaw open.  I mean I know people do selfies, but this was the first time I had seen it like this with this age group.  As I watched these girls I kept imaging how ridiculous I would feel just snapping photos of myself again and again making these horrible pursed lips face.

Look, my sister invented the selfie.  She would have her friends over and take photos of themselves making goofy faces and then get the film developed only to have 78 photos of her with her arm in the way of the lens as she stretched it out far enough to get the kissy face she was making.  BUT once the photos were developed they were seen by her and her friends (or anyone that walked in her room to see them plastered to the walls), but still.  They were private.  She was in middle school and she stopped when she realized she looked dumb (or at least I hope she stopped).  These people taking selfies are freaking ADULTS, people that are old enough to realize they look ridiculous.  I won’t say I have never taken a selfie, but it was to show something like a new hair color or a piece of jewelry I was wearing and I can count on probably 3 fingers the amount of the self photographs I have taken.

Each morning I watch Good Morning America.  There are always stories where people have videoed some event.  Whether it be someone being saved from being drowned, someone getting shot, someone falling off something.  Are these people too busy taking videos and photos that they can’t help people out.  Who just HAPPENS to be recording something when there is bad turbulence on a plane?!  I mean if the plane is shaking and my oxygen mask is falling from the ceiling I sure as HELL am not going to be videoing it.  When they show people getting swept away in a flood, all I can think is, “I hope that person isn’t around when I need help because they are too busy recording it to try and save me.”

My next question is what do you think is going to happen to all these photos of you, selfie queen?  They are out there online FOREVER.  I’m not going to get into my rant on how people share too much online.  I can only thank GOD that there wasn’t digital cameras and facebook around when I was in high school and college.  As I sat in that dressing room watching the spectacle of the photos snaps I realized that this was totally normal for them.  They have no qualms about just taking a photo of themselves and sharing them with the world.  In fact, if you don’t do this you probably aren’t “cool.”  My niece…my soon to be 8 year old NIECE takes selfies!  You know what she told me when I was ranting about how ridiculous these girls looked…”Aunt Blakely, we need to take selifes.  We have to have a memory of the moment.”  And she was right…this is what they think…that these photos are part of capturing moments.  My question is, when you look back at your photos in 20 years do you really think you are only going to want to see photos of yourself?  Don’t you think you want to see photos of your friends and family enjoying the moment.  Or how about a simple photo of something beautiful like the Eiffel Tower.  Nah…we would rather have a close shot of us making duck faces while the tip of the Eiffel Tower pokes up in the distance…..

Geez I am old.

Blakely Roof – “Shark Tooth Expert”

8 Jul

I officially have a new title to add to my resume.  But don’t worry…I’m not quitting my day job….YET.

A few weeks ago an old co-worker of mine from the chamber, Nora,  messaged me that she was filming segments for the chamber about “local’s look” and was interested if I wanted to be interviewed about how to find shark’s teeth.  I have been known to post some of my finds on social media and I even wrote a blog several years ago with my tips.  Feel free to revisit!  As you can imagine I was ALLLLLL about it!  So we set a date and I immediately started practicing what I was going to talk about.  I do mock interviews in the shower, while I am in the car,  I asked Barry if I could do my spill in front of him, he said no, so I performed what I thought I would say in front of a coworker of mine…he was about as impressed as Barry would have been.  But bottom line I feel prepped!


Please notice the caption under my name!

So the day comes and I meet Nora and the “crew” out at the beach to film.  I have in my possession EVERY sharks tooth I have ever collected (including my megladon which was a gift…THANK YOU RUSSELL WATKINS!).  She says she wants to cover like 3 basic tips.  Oh gosh, I had SOOO many tips, how do I narrow them down!  So we start filming and I am holding (awkwardly) some teeth in my hand as I talk.  I felt like people where watching us wondering who the stars were…but that just may have been my hopes.  As we are filming I have to put down my bag with all my teeth.  I am half wanting to ask the camera guy to hold them because all I can image is someone seeing them on the beach and running off with them!  (don’t worry, no one did)  So we finish the spot and we take a photo and I post on facebook about how excited I am that Nora has interviewed me about my passion.

Later that day a friend of mine, who also is a local reporter, Rusty Ray texts me and asks if Nora’s interview was a joke.  I said, “UMMM NO!”  He says, “well I think this would be a really cool story….can I interview you about it.”  Oh my gosh my heart jumped!!!!  I was so excited I immediately said yes and ran home to tell Barry.  So I tell Barry that now I am going to be on the NEWS talking about how to hunt sharks teeth.  He looks at me and says (in all seriousness), “No.  I don’t think this is a good idea.”  “WHY!?” I shout.  “Because you are going to come off like a crazy person, you know like those ones they interview after a hurricane and they sound really stupid” Barry says.  “You are NOT going to hold me down!!”  I felt like that was a good come back considering he was trying to keep me from sharing with the world my story.  I tell my friends and other family, some are more supportive than others, while some agree with Barry, (ehem, Betsy Roof).


I don’t think Rusty made me look cuckoo!

The day comes for my big (second) shoot.  Rusty and I meet at the beach and they get footage of my “hunting.”  Now I tell him what Barry said and made him promise not to make me look like a fool.   He promises and we start chatting (on camera).  I am proudly wearing my silver shark’s teeth earrings (I wore my gold one’s in my Nora interview) and I give my tips about looking for shiny black, what part of tide to go at, etc.  We get video of me digging through my collection and I feel GOOD about my story.

Fast forward to the following Tuesday when it airs!  I think it looks great!  Barry walks in and tells me I look like a cuckoo and immediately go upstairs and vow not to speak to him for days (I think it lasted until later that night when I was in the middle of binge watching Game of Thrones so I had to see if he would take the dog out).  It is posted on facebook and all these people start sharing the story and commenting!  I feel so accomplished!  Now there was one meanie who posted that it must be a slow news day, but then some girl came to my defense and said, “At least they aren’t doing a story on someone getting killed!”  yea!!!!  that’s right!!!  This is happy stuff!

I go to work and let me tell you, I get comments all day.  I am still getting comments as of today!  I have been on the news several times and NEVER have a gotten so much recognition!  THEN last weekend I actually had people message me on facebook that they used my tips to try and find teeth!  Today a lady in my office brought in two things she thought were teeth but I shut down her glory when I told her they weren’t and then showed her they couldn’t be because they would break (a tip to remember!).  One lady at work told me I “inspired her to go out and start hunting again”.  HA to you Barry and Betsy and you other naysayers that said I would look dumb!!  I inspire people….do YOU do that!!!

So if you missed the stories here you go…a chance to watch them for the first time or maybe again to pick up some tips you might have missed!

News Story About Tooth Hunter



Do Brunettes Have More Fun?!

26 Jun

A few weeks ago I went in to my hairdresser for my normal highlights and cut.  On a whim I decided to change up my style.  I have always been a blonde and years ago I thought about going brunette, but people said, “OH NO you will look so pale,” so I always stayed the same.  But on this day I was feeling frisky and my hairdresser, Greg, said “let’s do it!”

Now a few things Greg warned me about.  He said, “people are either going to LOVE it or HATE it, and they will let you know.  And more times than not the blondes hate it and the brunettes love it.”  After it was done I was a bit shocked to look in the mirror.  I got in my car and every time I looked up in the rear view I did a double take.  I immediately sent a photo to my mom and dad and then called them up.  I told my mom to go get her phone and as she clicked on the photo I heard (in a loud loud way) “NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  Why did you do that!!!!!!????”  I mean you would have thought I got a swatstika tattooed on my forehead or something.  I asked my dad what he thought and he said, “Well, I never have liked your hair anyways, the way you cut it, so whatever.”  Ok…well I guess they weren’t scared of holding back.

Barry was out of town that weekend so I had a few days to get used to the look before I saw him.  I felt like when I went out of my house I was going to have to introduce myself to people in fear of them not knowing who I was.  Barry comes home and gives me a once over and say, “ohhhhh ummmmm it’s ummmmm different.  You blend into the couch.”  Hmmmm not so sure what to think about that one.  As the days go on I get remarks from ALL over the board.  True to Greg’s statement, I get several brunettes that gush over it and tell me how much they love it.  Then I get people that kinda of say, “ohhh you colored your hair.  It umm looks good.”  Then I had the one random guy at work that didn’t even stop to talk to me just yelled as he passed, “Liked you better as a blonde.”

So as the weeks have gone by the color has faded and isn’t so dark.  Just the other day Barry says out of no where, “Your hair is better now, but when you first got it done that thing was terrible.”  I asked why didn’t he tell me that when he first saw it, “He said well it was so bad I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but now it’s better.”  I guess if you don’t have your family to tell you how the feel who will.  While I have enjoyed the change up I do agree with most that I like myself as a blonde better…..obviously we know how my husband feels.

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